Dear Jonathan Crompton:
We all know you are a terrible excuse for a QB. Today is a very important game.
Please don't play as awfully as you did last week against UCLA;
on that note, don't play as badly as you did all season last year.
I would like to see the upset of the year today, so for once, let's try and play
like a NCAA QB should play.
I appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.